Diary of Mello
by LiKe a dRuG
Summary: After L dies, Near becomes his successor, and being raped Mello runs away.. But he soon finds that running away wasn't the best idea. yaoi prostitution rape angst death


**Title**

Diary Of Mello

**Contents**

Death Note

**Pairings**

Just about any with Mello in it

**Narration**

Mello

**Summary**

**Disclaimer**

I do not own Death Note... Because my Kami wouldn't have died!!

**Warning**

Yaoi. Angst. Smut. Prostitution.

**Enjoy**

**--**

_Something's getting in the way_

_Something's just about to break_

_I will try to find my place_

_In the diary of Jane..._

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

Matt got you for me the other day for my birthday, although he says it's only part one of three. I'm so excited! I can't wait to really make a dent into you. Let's see.. Well I'll start with introducing myself! My name is Miheal Keehl, but everyone calls me Mello. Why? Well with Kira about no one wants to put their name out there. Especially me, since I'm suppose to be L's successor. Rodger (the principal) says that he has urgent news for Near and I tomorrow reguarding L. I think he's going to announce L's successor! Oh I can't wait!! I know, I know, I can't wait for much. But I have a problem with paitence. It's fine though, everyone has troubles with their emotions. What else can I say about myself? Oh! I like chocolate! It's really rather delicious. L said that sweets were plentiful in calories and if you think alot than you'll burn off all the calories. I saw how much sweets L eats in a day. I wonder if he likes chocolate..? ...I'll ask him the next time I see him.

Right now Matt's playing the video game I downloaded for him. I'm pretty handy with computer you know. He seems to like it, he really wanted me to watch him play it. Which is fine, I don't mind watching him play his game. Oh! You probably don't even know who Matt is. Heh heh, silly me, didn't tell you. Matt is my very best friend. Matt and I go together like butter on popcorn. He's the third best here at Wammy's house, I'm the second. I know it sounds nice to be second best, but it pisses me off. Near's always number one, can't I be number one for once?

Matt just lost a life. Haha Matt. It's alright that I make fun of him, because we're such good friends. We do things like that. But of course we're only playing. I'd never say something hurtful like 'Matt your so stupid you cant pass me in ranking'. No, that would be mean. Plus, Matt is really smart! Third place, and his competition is Near and I. That's really good! Sorry, I'm talking alot about Matt.

He said he'd do my hair later... Matt that is. He says it's part two of the birthday gifts... SEE? There I go again with Matt! What the hell, huh!?

later

Alright, so, Matt did my hair. I. LOOK. FABLOUS. Honestly! He looped it back into a ponytail then did something that made a few pieces hang down like little strainds. It's so cute! Oh but... I have this weird feeling.. After Matt did my hair, he looked at me funny.. Not like it came out bad or something-it's brilliantly beautiful!... He complimented me too... He told me I looked pretty.. Normally I wouldn't think this was of any concern, because we're best friends! Yesterday I complimented him in you saying how smart he was! ...But it's the way he said it... Almost like... He meant something else. Aw well, I shouldn't worry about it... He said he'll show me the third part of the gifts tonight.

_Love_,

_Mello_

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

I ran away today...

First let me back up a bit... Remember that thing Rodger said he needed to talk about with me and Near? Well... L died... He didn't name a successor... Near said he was weak and shouldn't have been working on the case if he was going to die in the end... I got frustrated with his words and told Rodger that Near should be successor and that I was going to catch kira on my own... I even said I would run away...

Then I went back to my room... To tell Matt how pissed I was.. I told him I wasn't really serious about running away, because Wammy's house isn't a given to all orphans.. He comforted me, and then whispered in my ear that it was time to give me part three of my gifts..

...And that's when it happened... Matt, my very best friend in the whole world... My only friend in the whole world... The only other person in the whole world I ever let know me... Raped me.

I don't exactly know where I am right now diary.. I'm in some sort of city.. I just ran into a cab and asked the driver to take me as far as one hundered twenty five dollars and ninety seven cents would take me.. That was all the money I had.. I feel betrayed. I guess.. I guess you're my only friend now diary.. I guess I'm luckier than some people.. Some people don't have anyone.. I have you.. Although, I want to burn you. I want to watch as fire eats at every page I didn't write in all because Matt gave you to me.. But I realize now that if I do that, I'll have no one to talk to. I'll go insane.

I don't know what I'll do for food or shelter.. At the moment, I'm sitting in an alley, curling over myself. I hope.. I hope things works out for me diary.. Tomorrow, I'll look for work.. I'll see if the groccery store down the street will hire. It shouldn't be that hard looking for work. And once I have a job, I'll get us an apartment.. I'm fifteen years old. time to start living in the real world.

_Love,_

_Mello_

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

I was wrong.. Job searching is more difficult than I thought it out to be. It's bee two whole days and still jobless. I'm so hungry, my stomach's yelling at me. I _need_ chocolate so much. I didn't think to bring any.. I was too upset about Matt..

Maybe I could find a soup kitchen..? They feed the homeless. And at the moment, That's what I am. Homeless. Never knew homeless people to be so popular though.. I was talking to this one man who was lost and needed directions to a gas station (I showed him to the one I applied for a job at). He just went on and on about how he needed to get to a phone as fast as he could because he didn't know if his wife was in labor. He was expecting a baby girl. He was going to name her Gabirella. He told me he wished he could thank me.. He even tried to give me a few dollars.. But I said no. He told me he wanted to give me something for helping him. I told him he already gave me something... a story to tell you diary.

I have to piss. I'll talk to you later I guess...

_Love,_

_Mello_

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

It's been two weeks. Sorry i haven't written in you more often like I should.. But I've been busy giving directions for money and looking for a job. I thought today was important to write in you because.. I saw Near today. I was so angery the first time I saw him. He started small talk... and well, it turns out I misjudged Near.. He said he was just as upset about the L thing as I was, he just didn't know how to handle it.

Near drove me back to the hotel he's staying at. It's a suite, so it looks almost like an apartment. I've never seen anything this big.. We settle in a chat over some cheap wine. He talked about how life's been like in the past two weeks and I talked about the same. I left out the part about Matt... Near told me he was sorry that we couldn't work together in the kira case.. If I wasn't to proud I'd say it wasn't too late for me to take on the case with him, but like I said I'm too proud..

We got really hammered, and over cheap wine too. I told Near how I couldn't stand not eating every night because I didn't have the money. Needless to say we had a HUGE dinner. I ate so much, he ate hardly anything..

Near told me I _could_ be getting money if I really wanted to. I asked how... And well.. I guess he showed me.. We had sex... It didn't hurt like with Matt, and it was alot hotter. Near touched me, I got on my knees.. When we came I made a mess of the nice silk sheets of the hotel. Near's cum ended up falling out of me, but I don't mind. He paid me at the end of the night, and let me sleep in the bed with him. I made a hundered dollars. If I knew getting money would mean having sex with someone... I would have never asked about it.

_Love,_

_Mello_

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

Is it normal to have the same person buy you every couple of nights? It's been at least a week and a half since I've written last. This man with light brown hair keeps coming to me every now and then. He likes it rough, sometimes he leaves bruises. Needless to say I know a little about him. Not that much though, I mean just enough for the small chat for the ride in his car to the apartment or hotel he rents for the night. Unlike every other man I've been with Light uses condoms. Oh-that's his name. God I hate it.. He makes me scream it until my voice is hoarse. The worst part is when he'll ask me, 'Do you like that?' ... '...Yea I like that...' ...

He sets it up like a roleplay. He'll pick me up and act as though it's a date.. It's weird, too friendly if you ask me. Once we get back to his place he'll act as my master, and after the sex he'll give me food. He knows I don't eat much, he knows I'm saving up to buy a house.

I think one of the most awkward nights was when a girl approached me.. Her name was Misa, she was really pretty.. I think I'm still straight.. I don't know anymore. Misa didn't want sex from me, instead she paid for a night just to have fun as friends. She told me how bad she felt that I was reduced to this, and she told me how her god would make a world where I wouldn't be like this.. I asked who her god was.. She said kira..

_..._

_Mello..._

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

I wanted to go to the orphange today to see Rodger.. I remember how the elderly man was like a grandfather to me. I always asked for moral guidence from him, and well.. I think I really need it now.

The only thing is... Is where is the orphange? I know I'm far from it.. I don't even know what city this is-is that not sad? I know my way around it, but I don't know where I am..

Without Rodger... Without the orphange.. I kinda feel like.. I've forgotten _**who**_ I am.. I think... I think that I should take a break from making money.. What do you think diary? Think this ass has had enough rides?

Nah.. I need the money. If I'm ever to make it on my own I gotta start double timing. Light needs to pay me more than what he's giving. Yes, I know, a night with Light is a bed to sleep in and a meal in my stomach... But that's no reason to hold out on the cash! I mean, my god! I'm letting him in my ass!! He should be _happy_ I take his money!

Listen to me... What would Rodger say? What would Near say? ...Well I guess he wouldn't say anything. He's the one that put me in this position anyways. 'you can make money if you wanted to'. Pfft, what a guy huh? Truly L's successor..

Sigh... You know diary, I really do miss L.. I don't think about him as much as he deserves.. Maybe.. I **did** forget who I am...

_Lost,_

_Mello_

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

Okay, so, I know i'm not one to talk, but I just screwed the WEIRDEST guy.

I don't know his name, but apparently his 'kami' told him about me. He had me wear this light brown wig and a suit... What was odd... He rode me.  
Great... The first man I penetraded had to be a crazy mofo.

He kept screaming as he did it though.. 'sokojo'... I mean, what the hell man!? Eh... He paid well.

I didn't cum... another first.

_Scared,_

_Mello_

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

... I'm never gunna get out of this lifestyle..

_Contemplating Suicide..._

_Nobody..._

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

Another day.. Another blowjob.

_Stuck._

_..._

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

I was mugged...

They stole everything.. I had made one thousand and fourty six dollars... They stole it all...

...I'll never be able to buy a home.. I'll never be able to sleep in a place I know is safe...

_Dead Inside.._

_Mello..._

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

I'm not a miracle worker!! I'm bawling my eyes out writing to you diary.. A mother came up to me and asked me if I could help her.. I agreed and she took me out of the alley to the sidewalk where her two kids were standing.

She told the kids that if they didn't buck up in school that they would end up just like me. I tried to explain that it's not schooling that gets you here, and she said that people without an education become homeless, jobless, and whores... I told her that I was second best at wammy's, but she just told her childern that sometimes homeless people make up stories to keep from going insane. I told her I wasn't lying, and that I was one of the canadites to be L's successor. She just explained it again to her childern.. I told her I was homeless because I ran away after my only friend raped me..

I couldn't take her abusive words... She was wrong. Not every homeless hooker is that way because of lack of education, or because their a drug addict.. I've been clean my whole life..

I only wish it were true... Then I wouldn't be here..

_Crying,_

_Mello_

_**Dear Diary**_**,**

Well diary... My sweetest friend... Here's the end... I can't take their acusing eyes anymore.. I'm sick of being sodemised everynight.. I'm sick of hoping I'll get back the money I earned.. I'm sick of being alone...

I guess that's what I am now, huh? ...Sick..

At first I hoped it was just a chapter in my life.. But it seems like there's no end to it now.. I'll continue to be a whore my whole life.. That's all I'm really good at anymore.. Sex.. Ever since a night after my birthday.. All I've been good at is sex...

I remember that girl I spent the day with... Misa, I think her name was... She said her god, Kira, would make the world better for people like me.. People who need help.. People who've done nothing wrong with their life.. I think... I think I'll accept Kira.. I've heard people accept Jesus when they've hit rock bottom, maybe Kira's the same? ...

I don't know anymore diary.. I'll have you tucked in my vest by my heart when I jump off the bridge tonight..

_Goodbye,_

_Miheal Keehl_

A Month later this diary was found by Mail Jeevas.

**--**

**I like it.**

**I don't care what you think :**

**ONLY CHAPTER. (dur, cause now Mello's dead.)**


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